First-World Trials: Then Dreaded New Computer

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 Happy cartoon broken computer logo royalty free stock imagesA few months ago, my computer started acting strangely. It wouldn't connect to the internet, or it if did, it wouldn't go beyond the home page. It saved all files as Read Only, no matter how many times I told it not to. And moving from site to site took forEVER.

My husband, blithe spirit that he is, said, "Don't keep fighting with it. Buy a new computer." This is a man who hands me his iPad whenever something isn't the way he wants it and expects that I'll return it in working order. He has NO idea what buying a new desktop means. 

Still, the computer is old, as computers go, and I use it every day for many things. It got to a point where I had to admit it was time. I ordered a new tower.

When it arrived at four p.m. two days ago, Hubby was excited. "Are you going to open the box?"

"Tomorrow," I replied, and he seemed disappointed. I'm sure there was a man standing over Pandora's shoulder saying, "Aren't you going to look and see what's in that box?"

Yesterday early on, when my mind and spirit were fresh and optimistic, I started. When I plugged the cords in all the right places, I saw the familiar "HI" and thought, like Sally Bowles, "Maybe this time, I'll be lucky..." But life isn't a cabaret, old chum. It's error messages and pings of distress from a machine that doesn't get why I keep plugging and unplugging when the effect is the same every time.

At first it went pretty well. I downloaded my on-line resources like Dropbox and Office without any trouble. I chose my own browser and home page, and unchecked the boxes that automatically install stuff I don't want. But as Gilda used to say, "It's always something." This time it's hardware. The computer didn't recognize any of my printers, my wireless keyboard, or my wireless mouse. They'd sent along the last two items (wired), so I used them to get started. Eventually I made the B&W printer and the photo printer work. It took digging out the disk to add my fancy color printer, but now it's there. I also had trouble getting my external hard drive to show up. I'm not sure how, but eventually it arrived.

I started at six a.m. yesterday That happened around three p.m.

Each time I went downstairs: for snacks, for lunch, for a short brain break, Hubby would ask, "How's it going?" My answers were...in a word, terse. It's like when you're in labor. It's not really his fault, but yeah, it kind of is. He probably told the guys at golf yesterday afternoon that I was really grumpy, and I won't dispute that.

Every item mentioned above took between an hour and two hours to troubleshoot, and I still haven't got a wireless keyboard or mouse. Going online for advice is frustrating. They start with "Here's how to easily connect your wireless keyboard to your new computer," and then they lapse into some ancient tongue understandable only to druids. I write it down. I print it off. I do exactly as they say, until it comes to a point where the instructions no longer match what's on the screen or I've done each step and found that it changed nothing .

I have resigned myself to using a wired keyboard and mouse. I can learn to live with it. I know I can.

NOTE: Some of you are going to be tempted to send advice on how to fix my problems, but I advise against it. There will come a time when my new computer gives me joy and satisfaction. There might even come a time when my keyboard is again wireless. But leave it alone, because today is not that day.

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